When your client has YOUR problem

As we know, life happens with its ups and downs. As coaches,we know that and take care to be in a good place before we start coaching: a placewhere we can focus and center our clients. When our own life is so busy,chaotic or our emotions hurt that we cannot focus and are constantly distractedby our own thoughts, we might take some time off to make sure that we are ableto coach.

Sometimes, we think we have everything sorted even though weare struggling with personal hardship only to realize that it is not so sortedafter all, for example, when a client comes in who has the same problem as us. Ourown emotions surprise us and we realize that we are constantly in “comparison”mode or our attempts at centering the client are hijacked by our own stuff.What to do? Here are some ideas.

Be transparent

It is always an option to tell the client that you are facinga very similar situation and that your attention is wandering thereby notallowing you to do a stellar job. You could agree with the client whether theywant to continue coaching or whether they would like to postpone the session.

Use the situation mindfully

If you are facing similar hardships as your client, you areprobably more empathetic toward the client. When you notice that your mind iswandering to your own situation, gently pull it back to the client. Listen tothe client with compassion and allow the commonality to create a connectionwithout comparison.

Stay aware that no situation is the same

Even though you might think that this is exactly what youare going through, too, it is usually not. The client is the client – you areyou. While some of the client’s discoveries can be useful for you, too, theopposite is not true. Stay empathetic but don’t rush to assume you know whatthe client is going through or that what is working for you will work for theclient.

Retain a future focus

Hardships have a way of pulling us down into a vortex wherenothing else is visible. If you are in danger of the same vortex as the client,a coaching session can easily deteriorate into a pity party. Invite the clientto describe what they would like instead in great detail and retain a futurefocus rather than wallowing in the past.

What are your tips for situations where the client is facingthe same situation as you? Why not join for our free coaching meetup andexchange to discuss?

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