What experienced coaches would have told their younger selves

We had a wonderful free meetup and exchange in which a beginner coach asked the more experienced coaches which advice they would give their younger selves. A very interesting discussion ensued (as happens almost always in our free meetups).

You are good enough

If you are good enough or not good enough, one thing does not help: comparing yourself with the fictitious “best” coach of the universe. The client does not have access to the best coach of the universe. You might not be it, but you are the one who is there. So stop fretting. Compare yourself to the coach you were yesterday, but do that after the session. We all know how to have conversations. If you are attracted to the profession “coach” for the right reasons, namely, wanting to help people move forward, you probably already have experience being helpful through talking to people. Basically, you know how to do that – don’t worry. Worrying will catapult you into your own mind and move you out of presence with your client: it most certainly will make you worse.

Step out of problem-solving mode

As we wish to be helpful, our client’s problems sometimes seem like a puzzle that we are invited to solve with the client. We can get sucked into problem-solving mode. Instead, it is helpful to remember that the client can find their own solutions, that we are mere “midwives”. Staying calm, helping the client structure their thoughts, asking useful questions is more helpful than jumping in.

Embrace not-knowing

If we don’t know a solution to what the client is bringing, we can also get stuck, especially if we are used to the problem-solving mode. We panic because we don’t know. The advice the experienced coaches would give to their younger selves is: don’t worry, embrace not-knowing. Trust that the coaching process will help the client to figure out a way forward, it doesn’t have to be instantaneous – a small forward movement sometimes already changes a lot.

Be transparent

When you are stuck or when something is happening in the coaching session that is curious, for example the conversation is moving in circles, be transparent with the client. Don’t think that you have to deal with this on your own. “Ah, it seems that we have maneuvered ourselves into a corner – what do you think?” or “Hm, my feeling is that we are talking in circles a bit – what do you think?”

Continue to grow by reflecting

After a few sessions, sit down to reflect on what you are pleased with in your coaching and what you would like to improve. Ask your clients for feedback on the sessions and maybe talk to a coaching supervisor to consciously develop yourself, experiment and grow.

I hope these musings have been useful – do come to our free meetups and exchanges in order to take part in these and other lively discussions among coaches!

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