They have so much potential… but they are not using it! What coaches and managers can do

Imagine you have a wonderful co-worker or direct report. They are smart, learn fast and have a lovely personality. You would love to help them grow and make use of their undeniable potential. Yet, whenever you try, they reject you. You want to give them a challenging task to allow them to roll up their sleeves and learn. They tell you they don’t want to and don’t have the time. You want to send them on a training course. They say they can’t because they are busy with something else. In the end, this starts frustrating you more than it frustrates them (because it doesn't frustrate them at all).

You think about what to do and maybe you get the idea that a coach could help. However, the coach soon runs into similar difficulties. They see the potential and the client just doesn’t seem to care. They seem happy where they are. In turn, the coach also starts being frustrated.

Remember the old joke: “How many coaches does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb needs to want it.” There is literally not much you can do to develop someone if they don’t want to, either as a manager or as their coach. Should you shrug your shoulders, put your head in the sand and give up? Maybe. Here are some things you could try before that.

Accept the person’s choices

Another old Solution Focused saying: “If you insist, I will resist.” The more you push, the more the person will probably feel they have to reject your offers for development. So don’t give up, but stop trying. Accept that the person is doing the best they can and that they must have good reasons not to want to develop.

Ask them for their preferred future

Rather than clinging to your idea of their future as an even more competent person who is living their potential the way you see fit (not very coach-like, right?) ask them what their preferred future and way of life is. Find out what they are currently loving about their work and their life and what they would like more or less of.

Figure out signs of “even better” with them

What could be signs of “even a little bit better”? You have to be careful with this question. Don’t ask it when the person is still suspecting you of holding bigger goals for them than they are holding for themselves. But if you have really accepted that you cannot want things for the person and have kept silent for a while and have been really curious about what they want, you might slowly start asking them for their ideas without them feeling pushed.

Help make these “even betters” happen

Whatever it is, help the person to achieve these “even betters”. Once you have aligned with what they want and they have found out that “development” is possible, it may be that their well founded “resistance” to development weakens. But caution – this cannot be the goal of your activities. It might be a corollary. As soon as you want more for them then they want for themselves again, you’ll have reentered the same unhelpful dynamic as before.

These musings were a result of a very interesting discussion in our free meetup and exchange. Why don’t you join one of our next ones?

‍