Hope and courage in coaching

The episcopal bishop of Washington DC, Mariann Budde, who made headlines when she spoke up against Donald Trump waving a bible in front of a church and who reminded him of the humanity of the people he is persecuting, wrote an inspiring book: “How we learn to be brave”. (Do buy, if you can – it is, obviously, very Christian, but her insights are transferable).

One of her reflections is about hope and courage. Hope, she says, is “the capacity to face reality, no matter how difficult, and still seek whatever good is possible.” (p.182) I think that this mixture of hope and courage is essential for coaches.

Coaches need the courage to be able to look the client’s situation in the eye and accept the client’s view as true for the client. However difficult this situation may seem, the coach needs to acknowledge the situation in ways that do not make it more difficult for the client. The coach needs courage to “face” reality and not look away or pretend that it is different from how it is for the client. Pretending that it is different can go both ways: sugar-coating or dramatizing. Neither is helpful for the client. Inviting the client and oneself to stand there for a moment, appreciate that the situation is what it is without interpretation or evaluation takes courage.

And in comes “hope, the capacity to face reality, no matter how difficult, and still seek whatever good is possible” (ibid). Acknowledging the situation, coaches need the courage to tap clients on the shoulder and invite them to hope. Not in the sense of an unfounded optimism, i.e. “every thing will be alright”, but as an invitation to “seek whatever good is possible”. The “good” can be found in the client’s past, the stories that tell the client that progress can be made (leading to a well-founded optimism). The good can also be found in the client’s future: “What are they hoping for?”, “Who would they like to become?”, “What is important to them about this?” The good can be identified in the client’s environment: “Who supports and how?” and “Who would notice first steps?”

A good coach needs both hope and courage. And they need ways to invite clients into their hope and their courage. Mariann Budde’s sentence inspired me to reflect on instances in my practice in which I was more or less courageous in facing realty and in which I connected to hope more or less. One the courage side, I think I am good (long practice within Solution Focus). On the hope side, I can be lured into thinking: “This is impossible!” What I found helpful is to also accept this feeling as a (temporary) reality: “I am currently feeling hopeless”. When this happens, I try to remind myself that the client would not have come if there was no good to be found in the client’s past, present or future and that the only thing I have to do is to invite the client to describe it.

If you want to reflect with us (on hope, courage, or anything else), why not join one of our free meetups and exchanges?

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