Coaching Agreements Revisited

Beginning coaches often have the urge to establish a coaching agreement very quickly. They invite (or push 😊) the client to defining what they want to achieve, what is important to them about it and what their measures of success for the sessions are. The background is often that the coach is slightly insecure and wants to be as useful as quickly as possible. It is almost as if the “coaching agreement” was something that needs to get done before meaningful coaching can commence. We have learned deliberately slowing down the urge to be helpful at this point can lead to more meaningful coaching agreements than if we went with the first thing that came to the client’s mind.

Coaching sessions oscillate between talks about the “landscape of action” and the “landscape of identity” (Bruner, 1990). We talk about “the plot”, the story, what happened, who is involved, actions and plans in the “landscape of action” and what a client intends, believes, values, loves and feels or who they are and intend to be in the “landscape of identity”.

A coaching session usually begins with partnering with the client on how they want to start the session. If it is a subsequent session, the client might want to recap what they have learned since last time or they might want to jump into something right away. They might also enjoy engaging in a little bit of unrelated conversation with the coach.

As the coach and client are starting to talk about what the client would like to do in the session, the coach can listen for and invite both descriptions:

Landscape of action:

• What the client does not want or wants to move away from

• How the client describes the problem and what they call it (if it is a problem they are wanting to solve)

• What the client wants instead

• What they would be noticing if they achieved that

• What they would be noticing at the end of the session if the session went well (traditionally called “measures of success”)

Landscape of identity:

• What is mentioned implicitly as what the client wants by them describing what is absent

• What is important to the client about that

• What relationship the client wants to have with the problem (if it is a problem they are wanting to solve)

• What difference it would make to their lives if they achieved what they came for

• What they value about this, what it says about them, what they believe

If a coach has an open ear for both landscapes and invites the client on a little tour around both landscapes, the coaching session may become richer than if they went with the first thing that the client brings into the session. Of course, the client decides what they want to talk about and if what they bring is exactly what they want and they are not interested in an exploration, this is exactly what should happen in the session.

We have found several coaching moves that we stole from narrative, collaborative and solution focused practice quite helpful in this phase of the conversation:

What difference will it make?

If the client brings something that they want from the session, we could invite an exploration of the difference it would make to their lives if they had that and listen closely to what seems important to the client. You might listen for:

• Metaphors the client is using

• Words that seem important because the client’s expression or tone changes when they are saying them

• Words that the client uses repeatedly

• Differences that achieving the goal might make (the goal behind the goal)

And then you could invite an exploration. With a metaphor, you might ask the client if they would like to spend some time describing it in more detail. With important words, you might ask how the client is using the word, what it means to them. Inquiring about differences that achieving the goal would make to the client can also widen the description into more of a description of a “means” (what does the client want to do) in the landscape of action toward an inclusion of a description of “ends” (who does the client want to be) in the landscape of identity.

What instead

Sometimes clients come with a description of what they don’t want. In this case, invite the client to explore “the absent but implicit” or the “what instead”?

• What does the story about what the client does not want say about what the client does want?

• Make what the client is saying available to them by picking up and repeating:

o What the client wants

o What the client is already able to do / good at

o Where the client is experiencing agency

o What the client thinks is important

o Meaningful metaphors

o What the client values, intends, believes, wants

• What does the client want instead?

o Suppose the “instead” was happening, what difference would that make (to the client’s life)?

o Who might notice this difference?

o How would they respond?

o How would the client respond to their response?

• What does the story tell us about what is important to the client?

Give the client the opportunity and time to think. It is important never to assume that we are picking out “the right words”! Always ask the client to confirm:

• “Am I picking up what is important to you?”

• “Is this relevant at all?”

If the client comes with a problem label (e.g. I am lazy):

Externalizing

Separating the person and the problem

• Pick up an important negative self-description of the client (e.g., I am “lazy”)

• Turn it into a noun and assume temporariness: “So you are contending with “laziness” at the moment?”

• What kind of a relationship would you like with laziness?

o If you had this kind of relationship, what would be different?

o What would you notice?

o What would other people notice?

• What would you like to be there instead?

o If (the instead) was present, what difference would that make?

If there are cultural ideas around this topic

• Are there cultural ideas that give “laziness” power?

• What do you think about these cultural ideas?

• What kind of relationship would you like to have with these cultural ideas?

Describing “exceptions” or “unique outcomes”

• What does “laziness” see you doing that it doesn’t like, that weakens it?

• What does “laziness” see others around you do that weakens it?

• What does “laziness” see you appreciate about yourself despite its efforts?

When you have explored the “what instead”, the relationship the client wants to have with a problem they bring or the importance of what the client wants from the session from their lives, you can ask the client whether they are ready to state what they want from the session:

Partnering for a Coaching Agreement

• Have we explored this enough so that you can say what it is that you would like to achieve in this session?

• What would tell you at the end of our session that you have made progress?

• How would you like me to be as your coach?

• How would you like to think about this issue?

I hope this has given you some ideas on how you might invite clients to a coaching agreement that encompasses both the landscape of action and the landscape of identity bearing in mind that the client gets to decide where they want to spend their time.

If you want to discuss these or other coaching questions, learn about our courses or just hang out with some cool people, why not join one of our free meetups and exchanges?

‍