The cobbler's shoes, the teacher's children, the coach's...

Suppose you are a relationship coach, and your own relationship is struggling. Or you’re a fitness coach who can’t motivate yourself to go to the gym. Or a mindfulness coach who feels constantly stressed. Wouldn’t you feel like a bit of a fraud when coaching clients toward success in these areas?

I think this is an interesting question because it touches on several core aspects of coaching:

• What does a coach need to know to be able to coach?

• To what extent is the coach’s personal story relevant?

• What can coach marketing promise honestly?

• How can we interest people in what we can “sell” honestly?

What does a coach need to know?

The standard answer is: nothing about the topic the client brings. Coaching is about enabling clients to think productively and move forward using their own resources and ideas. And that’s true. But in my experience, knowing something about the client’s issue helps. If I have coached similar topics or have personal expertise, it gives me ideas for questions and categories to explore with the client. For example, as an avid language learner, when coaching someone about language learning, I might ask how they memorize vocabulary or learn grammar—always in ways that fit them, not me. Subject matter familiarity can also help normalize experiences: in language learning, for instance, it’s common to hit a slump between levels B1 and B2.

So, is it a problem when a coach is hitting a rough spot in their own area of expertise? I don’t think so. It can actually deepen understanding of what clients are going through. And finding our way out of our own rough patches lets us experience, first-hand, how coaching processes and strategies can help.

How relevant is the coach’s personal story?

The classic answer is: not at all! Yet in practice, many coaches use personal stories in their marketing: the weight-loss coach who shares their transformation, or the ADHD coach who demonstrates how they structure their day. Personal stories can increase client trust—they know the coach has lived experience and understands their struggles.

Of course, our path to success isn’t necessarily relevant for our clients; their path will be unique. Yet, people often want to see at least one proven way, even if they end up creating their own. This tension—between knowing that clients need their own solutions and the fact that they often want to copy ours—makes personal stories tricky but powerful.

What can coach marketing promise honestly?

We can honestly promise that we’ll do our best to help clients move forward. That may not be the sexiest marketing slogan (“Get coached by me, and you might reach your goal!”), but it’s the truth. Instead of promising results, we can focus on process: client testimonials about how they found a way forward, how the coaching supported their thinking, how they discovered solutions that fit them. This also differentiates real coaching from “success coaches” who sell fixed online programs rather than offering true client-led partnership.

How can we interest people in what we can “sell” honestly?

It starts with focusing on the process rather than the promise. Instead of guaranteeing outcomes, we can highlight the safe, confidential, and empowering space that coaching provides for clients to discover their own paths forward. We can show how every coaching journey is unique and shaped around the client’s needs rather than a one-size-fits-all template. Testimonials and client stories can illustrate the impact without overpromising or implying that everyone’s path will look the same. We can invite curiosity, positioning coaching as an opportunity to explore new perspectives and co-create solutions. And perhaps most importantly, we can be transparent about our humanity—coaches also have challenges, and that lived experience deepens empathy and understanding rather than diminishing effectiveness. Instead of marketing perfection, we can market values: partnership, presence, and a commitment to learning and growth. That honesty, I believe, is far more compelling than any glossy promise of guaranteed success.

If you would like to explore these or other topics, why don’t you come to one of our free meetups and exchanges?

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