Matching the “energy” of the client: a crucial consideration for coaches

In coaching, the word “energy” often comes up as we try to describe the dynamics of a conversation. It’s one of those intangible things that everyone intuitively recognizes but might struggle to articulate clearly. When coaches talk about “energy," they often refer to observable aspects of interaction, such as the speed of speech, frequency and length of pauses, tone and modulation of the voice, facial expressions ranging from sad to happy, and body posture—whether slumped and slow-moving or animated with lively gestures. These elements together create the rhythm and mood of a conversation.

Matching “energy” is an instinctive part of a good conversation. While it may seem straightforward -- simply mirror the client's “energy” to connect -- t’s not always the best choice for guiding a productive session. Let’s delve into why “energy” matters in coaching, the risks of matching “energy” too closely in certain circumstances, and how we can reflect on this important aspect of practice to improve our work.

What is “energy” in coaching?

In the context of coaching, “energy” can be described as the emotional and physical state the client brings into the conversation. It’s conveyed through verbal and nonverbal cues. Here are some to consider:

1. Speed of Talk: Is the client speaking rapidly and excitedly, or slowly and haltingly?

2. Frequency of Breaks: Are there long pauses where the client reflects, or is the conversation a continuous stream of ideas?

3. Modulation of Voice: Does their voice rise and fall with enthusiasm or stay monotone?

4. Facial Expression: Are they smiling, frowning, or showing a neutral face?

5. Posture and Movement: Are they animated with gestures, or are they slumped and still?  

As coaches, we naturally attune to these signals. This tuning allows us to connect with the client and foster trust. However, how we respond to this “energy” can significantly impact the effectiveness of the coaching conversation.

When the client’s “energy” is low  

Low “energy” often shows up as slow speech, a monotone voice, limited gestures, and a heavy or withdrawn posture. Clients in this state might be reflecting on difficult emotions, grappling with uncertainty, or simply feeling exhausted. While it’s natural to mirror this “energy” to convey empathy, doing so too closely can sometimes lead to a downward spiral into “problem talk” in which the issue seems heavier and heavier the more we focus on it.  

When both coach and client operate at a low-”energy” level, the focus may linger too long on difficulties, frustrations, or what’s not working. This can create a feedback loop where the client becomes further entrenched in their challenges. For example:

- A client might say, “I just don’t know what to do anymore,” in a slow, defeated tone.  

- If the coach mirrors this tone and posture, responding with something like, “It does sound like you’re stuck,” the session could remain stuck in this emotional space.  

Instead, the coach can gently shift the “energy” -- not in a way that feels dissonant or dismissive, but by adding a touch of curiosity or hopefulness. For example:  

- “It sounds like you’ve been working really hard to figure this out. What’s one small thing you’d like to feel differently about this situation?”  or

- “That sounds tough – how are you coping?

By subtly raising the “energy”, the coach invites the client into a forward-looking, resourceful space while still honoring their current feelings.

Raising the “energy” by cheerleading is obviously also counterproductive.

- A client might say, “I am so sad and feel really hopeless”.

- If the coach goes on to contradict the client cheerfully: “Ahh – now, it’s not that bad is it? You have always found a way out, right?”, the client will probably try to convince the coach that it IS that bad, thereby entering a negative spiral.

When the client’s “energy” is high

High-”energy” clients often speak quickly, jump between ideas, and display animated gestures and expressions. These clients might be excited about possibilities, eager to solve problems, or feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of their thoughts. Matching this “energy” can initially build rapport, but it also carries risks.

When a coach matches high “energy” without moderating the pace, the session can become a whirlwind. The conversation may move too quickly, leaving little room for reflection. Both coach and client might find themselves skimming the surface of important insights or jumping to premature conclusions.  

For instance:  

- A client might say, “There’s so much I want to do! I could start with X, but then there’s Y, and maybe Z would be faster!”  

- If the coach responds at the same frenetic pace -- “Yes, and you could also try A or B!”—the conversation risks becoming scattered and overwhelming.  

Here, the coach can act as a grounding presence. By intentionally slowing down and introducing reflective pauses, the coach creates space for the client to think more “deeply”. For example:  

- “You’ve got so many exciting possibilities here. Let’s take a moment to explore—what feels most energizing to you right now?”  

This subtle shift in “energy” may allow the client to channel their enthusiasm into more clarity and focus which may be more helpful.

Of course, in both cases, you can always partner with your client and talk about how they would like you to respond to their “energy” 😊

“Energy” as a co-construction

Coaching, like any conversation is a co-construction - a dance between the coach and the client. “energy” naturally ebbs and flows throughout the conversation, influenced by both participants. This means the coach’s “energy” not only responds to the client’s but also subtly shapes the interaction.  

Reflecting on your coaching sessions with this lens can be incredibly insightful. Consider these questions:  

- How did I match or shift my “energy” in response to the client?  

- Did my “energy” create space for the client to reflect, or did it amplify their current state?  

- Were there moments where my “energy” unintentionally steered the conversation in a less helpful direction?  

Listening to recordings of your sessions can help you notice patterns and make more intentional choices in the future.  

Can “energy” be steered?

While it’s helpful to be aware of “energy”, trying to consciously control it during a session can be counterproductive. Over-focusing on your “energy” might distract you from being fully present with the client. Instead, consider this awareness as a background framework --something to reflect on after sessions rather than micromanage in real time.  

The key is balance. As coaches, we naturally adapt to the client’s “energy”. At the same time, we hold the responsibility to gently guide the conversation toward constructive and reflective spaces. By keeping in mind the risks of overly matching low or high “energy”, we can better support our clients in achieving their goals.

Conclusion: The flow of “energy” in coaching

“energy” as defined above is an essential yet often invisible part of the coaching process. Whether the client’s “energy” is low and contemplative or high and enthusiastic, it’s important to navigate these states with care.  

- When “energy” is low, resist the temptation to mirror it completely, as this can lead to a downward spiral. Instead, introduce subtle shifts toward curiosity and resourcefulness. And of course, stay away from “cheerleading” the client thereby dismissing their issues.

- When “energy” is high, act as a grounding presence, creating room for reflection and clarity amidst the excitement.  

Ultimately, coaching is about co-creating a space where the client feels seen, heard, and supported. “energy” is a part of this co-construction, flowing naturally between coach and client. By reflecting on how “energy” plays out in your sessions, you can deepen your practice and create more impactful conversations.

If this topic resonates with you, we’d love to hear your thoughts! Join our free meetups and exchanges to explore coaching topics, share experiences, and learn with a community of like-minded professionals. Let’s continue growing together as coaches!

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