How to deal with toxic people

These days, I am reading a lot about “toxic” people. The metaphor of a “toxic person” sounds wrong and limiting to me. Usually, when we speak about something that is toxic, we mean a substance that is detrimental to our health and may even kill us. Have a look at the distribution of power and responsibility in this situation:

- The substance has the power to harm everyone

- The substance is ALWAYS toxic, there are no exception

- The person who is in the presence of the substance has no way out: they will be poisoned

When you are speaking about a “toxic” person, you might be buying into more components of the metaphor than you would like.

- The person IS toxic and harms everyone

- This does not change (i.e., environment and context are completely irrelevant)

- You can do nothing about it – you will be harmed

As coaches, we know that metaphors matter. So, can we stop using this metaphor? As much as I sometimes want to label people as toxic, I know that I am self-limiting my options when I do. I stop seeing many useful elements in the situation:

- With whom the person behaves differently?

- Which environments bring out better qualities?

- What I can do to protect myself?

Rather than focusing our attention to the one person who IS the problem, whose very essence it is to be the problem, we might explore the environment and thereby make a “solid” issue more fluid and changeable. From: “This person is toxic” to “I am having trouble with this person’s behavior”.

If you want to discuss these or other topics, share your experience as coaches with “toxic” people, get information on our classes or just hang out with a bunch of cool people, why not join one of our free meetup and exchanges?

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